I need Bartholomew’s 500 hats

Hair loss. It’s not a problem I’ve ever had to deal with. But according to the “literature” (aka internet), I’ll most likely be losing my hair by the end of the month. Of course I’ve known it from Day One. Cancer means chemotherapy means hair loss.

So a few weeks ago I began considering what I’d do about it (Sinead O’Connor I’m not). Almost immediately I dismissed the idea of a wig. I tried one many, many years ago, just for fun, and wore it out of the house maybe twice. It felt uncomfortable. It felt fake. It felt conspicuous. It felt like everyone was pointing at me and shouting WIG! WIG! I’m sure wig technology has made amazing advances since then, but it doesn’t matter. The problem isn’t wigs; it’s me. One needs a certain amount of confidence and daring to wear a wig in public and I don’t have it. (I envy the sister who wore one to my wedding and I never suspected.)

Okay, so what about hats? I can do hats. I have hats. I wear hats. Occasionally, anyway. So when I found a couple of cute embroidered bucket hats online, I ordered them right away. The perfect solution. One of my favorite hats is an old denim bucket hat that I keep at the ready in the car. But I guess it’s been a while since I put it on in front of a mirror. Or maybe I never did. Because when the new hats arrived and I tried one on, I almost burst into tears. Ugh! No way!

I should have known. Hats are like any other clothing. They always look great on the models … and I’m no model.

So much for bucket hats. Maybe at some point I’ll try a newsboy cap or some other style. But I’m not feeling very hat-confident right now.

That leaves me with assorted scarves and turban/beanie type things. So this afternoon I spent several hours shopping for something that looks tolerable (cute would be a bonus) and isn’t a bucket hat. I homed in on the more casual-looking stuff, bandana-type scarves and kerchiefs (I have tons of bandanas but they aren’t quite big enough for the coverage I’ll need). There are a lot of pretty scarves, prints, etc., but most look too dressy for my everyday ultra-casual style. And as anyone knows, you can’t wear just any color with any other color. So I was picking and choosing, trying to get a mix of styles and colors, but not ordering too many until I can try them on and hopefully find something I like. I’m used to lots of trial, error, and return with mail order shopping, but I’m feeling a lot of pressure now to find something — anything — before my hair starts falling out.

I finally ordered two bandana/kerchiefs, one plain knit cap, and one lace-trimmed knit cap that looked nice on an older woman (most of the models look 40ish or younger). At worst one of them should be better looking than a bucket hat … shouldn’t it?





17 thoughts on “I need Bartholomew’s 500 hats

  1. disperser Sunday, June 14, 2015 / 8:49 pm MDT

    I’ve already told my wife that the more my hair grows thin, the shorter I will be cutting it (I’m already down to less than 1/8th of an inch). I would cut it even closer, but she thinks that might be too much.

    Still, that a voluntary thing with me . . . different than what you are facing. However, I will be so bold as to say the following (something I know very well, but can’t convince others of it) . . .

    That feeling you have of everyone looking and pointing? It’s just you. The vast majority of people are too self-absorbed to notice details about others. Plus, with all the smartphones, no one is actually looking up anymore.

    If you want to do something just for yourself, great. If you worry about what others will think about how you might look . . . I would be willing to bet very, very few people would notice, and of those not a one really cares one way or the other.

    For us, it is a change from the norm, and hence something to adjust to.

    For strangers, it’s just how you look, period.

    For people who know you, if they have a negative reaction, it’s a good indication you should dump them as they are only interested in your looks and don’t care anything about you.

    That kind of realization can be liberating . . . but no one ever believes me.

    • PiedType Sunday, June 14, 2015 / 9:39 pm MDT

      Oh I believe you. At least on an intellectual level. But I can’t always convince myself emotionally.

      My son keeps saying if his hair gets much thinner, he’d just as soon shave his head — except that his wife would have a cow. I think a really short cut is a good way to go. Looks nice and neat and beats the hell out of combovers.

      • disperser Sunday, June 14, 2015 / 9:40 pm MDT

        No combovers . . . ever. Or ponytails.

        • PiedType Sunday, June 14, 2015 / 9:44 pm MDT

          You’ve got my vote.

  2. philosophermouseofthehedge Monday, June 15, 2015 / 6:56 pm MDT

    i knew it was coming. Oddly recently I dug out a couple of ancient bandanas – old ones. The new ones are thin and small, but these old 60’s weathered ones are soft and huge so I have to fold them back at the forehead. I lived in jeans and babuska scarfs knotted in back and flared out at the sides. Feed stores and tractor supplies and small town 5 and dimes had hefty ones. And early Ralph Lauren peasant style paisleys – even one Peter Max one (before he was really famous and pricey. Tried one on and thought OK, it’s comfortable and looks OK to me. Other people? Will they giggle about the ethnic granny? Heck, I don’t know them anyway so what do I care? Uh, reverting back…maybe not such a bad thing.
    I always wanted to be one of the glamour girls with the big brimmed hat…but like you say, hats are like clothes and the both look best on 2o-ish thin models. So i plop on a cloth sailing hat to walk the dog – it’s goofy, but served the sun shielding purpose and my hair usually looks wretched on dog walks. And the string can be tightened if the wind blows. The best hat I ever had was a sailing hat from Australian, cried when it deteriorated. Might try some sailing catalogues – Places like West Marine, Sun and Ski sports, even Academy. I’m not big on the little sailor hats – my mom stuffed on on me my entire life.
    For winter I’m thinking one of those aviator leather ones with sheepskin or the knit caps that cover ears and hang down (always looks like it’s from TIbet)…Boulder shops ought to be mother lode of hats with all the kids there?
    But wigs…all I can think of is itchy and hot. Surprising how many people adore them.
    Me, I’m gathering up babuskas and pretending….

    • PiedType Monday, June 15, 2015 / 7:46 pm MDT

      I’ve a stack of bandanas in every conceivable color, but like everything else in recent years, they’re smaller (cheaper) than they used to be. They need to be at least a couple of inches longer on a side before they’d make a nice babushka. I need to figure out which style(s) I can live with before I started buy a lot; they add up fast! Yes, just this afternoon I was thinking if only it were winter, I’d have so many options that I’m already used to wearing. I think generous babushkas, with folds in the front and nice tails in back, are likely to be my favorite. Too bad I don’t have a seamstress in the family who could just crank out an assortment of big hemmed squares for me.

      • disperser Monday, June 15, 2015 / 8:24 pm MDT

        You could always try a Jayne hat (https://www.thinkgeek.com/product/f108/) and if you don’t know what that is . . . tsk, tsk!

        Firefly is a show I advise everyone to watch. I don’t trust people, but if they like Joe Versus the Volcano (movie) and Firefly (TV show) they go a long way toward me accepting them as human beings worth knowing. Just saying.

        • PiedType Monday, June 15, 2015 / 9:22 pm MDT

          Fetching. I was familiar with the style, just not the name (never watched Firefly, never saw Joe vs the Volcano). Just for grins I might wear one in the winter. But it’s about to get very warm here, so I’ll have to pass for now.

        • disperser Monday, June 15, 2015 / 10:18 pm MDT

          I . . . you . . . {breathe, breathe . . . 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10}

          Ahem; might I suggest you make the time to watch the greatest movie ever made (JVTV) and the best series ever made (Firefly)?

          I believe both are positive experiences that help drive worthy humans toward a better understanding of the universe and themselves. Good entertainment, as well.

          Don’t let the fact I judge humans based on their reactions to the series and to a lesser, but still important, extent, the movie.

          No, no worries at all.

          Why, I have friends who are not partial to either. Of course, I think less of them, but at least I still consider them worthy of listening to ( but aware their opinions are not worth much since they did not pass the JVTV and Firefly litmus test).

        • PiedType Monday, June 15, 2015 / 10:55 pm MDT

          I’m well aware that missing Firefly left a gaping hole in my development as a normal adult human being. Considering the total worthlessness of summer TV, I may try to find it on Netflix or someplace else (I owe it to myself, right?). I’m sure my son, a huge sci-fi fan and geek, could help me track it down. Same for JVTV.

        • disperser Monday, June 15, 2015 / 10:59 pm MDT

          Firefly is streaming on Netflix (you can also rent the DVD if you are on that plan). Joe Versus the Volcano does not stream on Netflix. You can stream it on Amazon for $2.99 or buy the DVD for less than $5.

        • PiedType Monday, June 15, 2015 / 11:20 pm MDT

          Good to know about Firefly. I’m getting a free ride on my son’s account and have barely scratched the surface on the riches therein. I’m not much of a movie buff, though, so JVTV may have to wait awhile.

        • disperser Monday, June 15, 2015 / 11:31 pm MDT

          You would wait, and delay, the message about the meaning of existence? . . . wow . . .

          One movie you might enjoy watching is http://www.netflix.com/title/80014728. We just watched it two nights ago.

        • PiedType Monday, June 15, 2015 / 11:35 pm MDT

          Joe I’ve heard of. Hector, no. Takes a lot to get me to watch a movie. So many genres have no appeal at all. I’m more action-adventure than anything else.

  3. zenzalei Monday, June 15, 2015 / 10:51 pm MDT

    Bah! Wigs prompt hot flashes. Hmmm, styles of hat… Cloche? Mushroom? Something outrageous yet elegant from a British wedding? You’re in Colorado. Cowboy? Whatever it was called that Carly Simon was famous for in the 70s? Maybe try looking up hats on Pinterest. People pin fashion options for everything. Or maybe Google “best hat for your face shape.” Some good hits there.

    • PiedType Monday, June 15, 2015 / 11:17 pm MDT

      Might have to try that Google thing. I’ve a hunch it will recommend big hats and broad brims to balance my big, broad body. Gotta keep it very casual though. Anything else would look silly with what I normally wear (tees, polos, sweats or summer equivalent). Probably much ado about nothing. I rarely go out except for groceries. At home I’ll just opt for comfort.

      (That said, we both know I’m going to keep stressing about it.)

"You don’t have to say everything to say something." ~Beth Moore

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